Where I've Been and Where I Am Now
Updated: Jun 22, 2019
Today I had the honor of speaking at EDCare with Dr. Tamara Pryor. Dr. Pryor and I have known one another for over 10 years. She has been influential in my recovery from an eating disorder. While she was never directly my therapist, I spent many hours processing and bouncing thoughts off her over the years.
Anytime I share my story, I have a mix of overwhelming emotions afterwards. Positive overwhelming emotions. Side note: I had to learn how to cope with positive overwhelming emotions without eating disorder behaviors at one time too. I never knew overwhelming positive emotions could be as uncomfortable to sit in as negative emotions. Ok back sharing my story about speaking at EDCare.
I spoke about my journey and Dr. Pryor interpreted it, clinically and educationally, for the group. I listened to her perspective. I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Parts of my story and behaviors I used to have denial, shame, and fear around are not even part of my day to day anymore. I have grown. It’s so, I keep saying the word, but it is so overwhelming to think about where I have been and where I am now. I’m so glad I live in freedom from Coach (name of my eating disorder).
Anytime I have the opportunity for a speaking engagement, I walk away with joyful tears, a glowing heart, and gratitude for my health, life, friendships, connections, body, not fearing food, not having to exercise, and more importantly realizing after so many years, I’m finally loving myself and ok with who I am. I’m stepping into who the Creator of the universe created me to be. Not only am I stepping into me, I am secure. I don’t need validation. I don’t need approval to be who I am. I don’t need how you feel about my body or what I’m doing to impact me negatively. I am going to be me.
Each time I speak, especially with Dr. Pryor, I walk away seeing how far I’ve come, how I am still growing, and grateful for Dr. Pryor and so many others who have walked alongside of me. Thank you!
PS I still wear my CAMSA necklace every day as a reminder of where I've been and where I am now.