Having A Cold Can Be Triggering
I have been super sick this week. I flew home for Thanksgiving. On Saturday, when flying back to Denver, I started feeling sick. Not only did I feel sick, but my flight was delayed by two hours. Once I got to DIA, I missed the last train to the Park N Ride where I left my car by 20 minutes. I ended up having to pay $42 to Lyft to my car when the train would have been free for me. Again, I was not feeling well, and the 20-minute drive home was super icy. I finally walked into my house at 3:45am. I was exhausted and feeling so crummy. I have pretty much been on my couch since then fighting a cold or sinus infection.
When I was in my eating disorder, I loved being sick because I was able to restrict so many meals and lay in bed all day. No one questioned or was concerned why I was in bed. I also was able to have an excuse to rest from working out even though I had great guilt for not exercising. The restriction of meals seemed to “allow” for rest from exercise. As soon as I felt even a tiny bit better, I would go for walks and not let my body heal.
This is the first time having a cold has not been triggering. All week, I wanted to be in my life. I am so tired of laying on my couch and blowing my nose. I have not even thought about what I have or have not eaten. I have no interest or energy to exercise. Instead, I have listened to my body and what I need. I think I am ok. I want to write, “I think I am doing it right.” But, I do not think there is a right or wrong in listening to my body. This is when I must “live in the hot pink.” I need to be ok with listening to my body-even if it is different from following a meal plan or what diet culture tells me. If I am honoring my body’s needs, I’m ok.
I’m ok. I’m ok. Repeat again…I’m ok.